Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Finding Space In Friendships

"Growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I'm glad for that." - Ally Condie
The most profound conversations always take place in our kitchen at 12:30am. I never realize how much I am holding onto, grappling with, caged by; until I find myself alone in the kitchen with the two people who hold me together in the most fragile of times. 
As we stood barefoot, eating the remnants of dinner, after a particularly depressing episode of Breaking Bad; we found ourselves talking about the limits of friendships. I've been struggling to redefine a few relationships in my life out of fear, anger, and guilt. It wasn't until we put the conversation on the table that I was really able to come to terms with the tangled mess that I've created and continue to live within. It was truly humbling to be looked in the eye and gently told that the only way to alter the negative relationships I am holding onto, is by letting them go myself. We cannot rely on others to help us define the terms of a relationship that is no longer serving who we've grown into. If we give other people this power, we will always feel strangled by feelings of unworthiness, selfishness, and sadness. 
For me, it will forever be a process, but today, I am beginning to truly understand what it means to let go of what I do not need to make space for those people who love, support and respect my individual growth. Here's to growing up and realizing that who we are and what we need are the most important aspects of ourselves and our relationships with other people. 

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